They say only death and taxes are inevitable. However, after having been around the block once or twice, I would have to argue that grief is also inevitable. Every single human being on this earth will face a trial, a heartache, a loss that will cause unspeakable grief inside their heart.
Each person’s grief may be different and the way they express it is also different. What causes our grief is myriad. The loss of a child, a parent, a spouse. A health crisis. A relationship crumbling. A move. War.
Through the seasons of grief I have walked through and am currently walking through, one thing has become, sadly clear. We are uncomfortable with grief in our culture. Most guys can’t stand it when women cry. Yet crying allows release of our deepest emotions. Crying and talking through our grief and feelings allows us to talk through our pain and heal. Although this is true, I have rarely found a person willing and able to listen to deep sorrow. I have been told many a time, “Get over it, you’ll feel better soon!” The greatest gift in grief is a listening ear, a hug, a quiet friend.
William Shakespeare had this to say about grief, “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.”
The most difficult thing I’ve noticed in grief, especially within “the church” or the Christian community is an unspoken expectation that when we grieve we will do so quickly and quietly without being a bother to others. Where this mistaken notion comes from, I have no idea, but we do ourselves and our brothers and sisters a great disservice with this false idea.
There is no timetable for grief. Every person’s grief looks different. There is no “wrong” or “right” way to grieve. We can not look into a person’s heart and judge the motives and know when they have crossed over into bitterness and unforgiveness.
Having faced grief many times over I can honestly say grief is hard work and takes time; often a lot of time. More time than the non-grieving person can understand. Yet a sensitive friend is the one who comes over at the drop of a hat when you’re having an “ugly cry” and puts her arms around you. She doesn’t say much, just sits and lets you cry. A true friend lets you drop by their house and spill your guts and your rambling thoughts for hours and still loves you and your faults.
The beautiful thing about nurturing friendships in a time of grief is this: grief will come around to all of us. If we have been understanding and helpful to another their time of grief, you can be sure you have a close friend who will do the same for you in your difficult season. Just like the sun comes up in the morning, it will come. And for those who walk through grief, speak your heart, give yourself time, it will get better. I take my own counsel in this: one day, one hour, one step at a time.
